Buddhist Blog AMBUD — Chasing Nirvana

Happy New Year

As we welcome the New Year we are often reminded of the past.

The TV recounts all the events that occurred in the prior year and we recollect all of our failures and successes, we think about the loved ones lost and the new friends we have met.

For many of us this is a particularly emotional time with feelings of optimism for what might come and regret for what has passed.

Buddhism offers solace in its commitment to being present, being now. I often wonder how other Buddhists relate to their own pasts; do they explore it, or refuse to see it as relevant. To me this is sort of a recurring topic; the opportunity to move with change and learn from it, or the often delusional position of denial that can come through a flawed Buddhist practice.

I don’t pretend to speak for other Buddhists, but I have attended group functions where many of my peers and I, had an understanding of concepts that were in retrospect, somewhat perverted.

Its an easy trap to fall into when you are learning about the ideals of Buddhism; be present, be now, can easily be misinterpreted as ‘don’t look back’ and ‘don’t look forward’.

This is certainly a slippery subject to write about; on the one hand, we want to get to a place in our practice where the only moment that matters is now, on the other, we can’t progress on our path without understanding our past. It’s easy to jump over our past and pretend it never happened and attempt to live in the ‘now’ without it.

What happens when we deny our past and pickup our lives from ‘now’, putting on a peaceful and serene face for others to see?

Are we Charlatans?

Can we force peace through denial?

I am reminded of a young man I met many years ago, he was very eager to begin a new life as an ordained monk in a Tibetan Buddhist community. When he put on his robe, he shed his past; the years of drug abuse and poor behavior as a result of it disappeared in his mind as though they never existed. He had changed his path, he was now pure and on his way to enlightenment through his commitment to Buddhism.

I didn’t have any more contact with this monk after he was ordained, so I can only speculate on what happened as practice progressed. I imagine that since he studied with an exceptional teacher that he found his way, but not without seeing how his past created his ‘now’.

Working with the past skillfully

I’m not suggesting that living in our past is the right way, I’m not even suggesting that we should continue to revisit our past over and over, I am suggesting that our past is relevant to how we will practice, and what challenges we will meet along the way.

If we are reluctant to see it with clarity, understanding, and compassion, we will remain stuck in it. One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves, as we work with love and compassion for others, is to throw ourselves a bone, forgive and remember to love ourselves.

If you have ever really worked through why you did something awful in the past, you likely found that it wasn’t because you were some horrible monster that wanted to make pain for someone else; rather it was a result of excessive attachment to self. We are wired to preserve self at all cost and as such make dreadful decisions about the greater good.

As we meditate, or go through our day with some awareness, we will occasionally experience a trigger that will bring a painful experience from the past into clear view.

This is when we have the option to accept and acknowledge our pain, or push it away and pretend it doesn’t exist. If we push the pain away, we can be certain that it will return; at some point another trigger will make us rehash our dastardly deed.

If we sit with the pain, understand its texture, feel its effect on our body, bravely watch it pass with compassion; the pain will lessen and we will begin to let go.

The more we acknowledge and accept our past when it visits, the more we will be able to sit in the present and truly experience the ‘now’.

Ambud